I grew up with my maternal grandmother. Mama became my roommate when I turned 12. It feels different having a lola at home: more secured, warm, and peaceful.
Nov 17 2006. I was not able to kiss goodbye to Mama because I was running late for my 7am class. I got home around 8pm. It felt different: cold and quiet. Nobody was talking to anybody at home. It was only my cousin who broke the silence.
“Ate, wala na ang Mama.”
I was not able to grasp those words. I went to Mama’s room, where we used to sleep together. She was not there.
I walked out of the house and looked for Dad. He hugged me and said, “Ganun talaga anak ang buhay ng tao.”
I run towards Mom and heard the same line, “Anak, wala na ang Mama.” She then hugged me tight.
It was only then that I noticed their puffy eyes.
Mama left us.
I don’t get it. I don’t know how to react.
We went to the funeral, and confirmed with my own eyes. Then I trembled.
Ma, it has been 8 years since you left us. But your memories will always be here in our hearts. I regret that I was not able to kiss you that day. I regret that I went home late and I was not able to mano on your last breath.
I thank God that He allowed me to experience the crucial part of growing up with a lola like you. I thank God because you left us peacefully.
I miss you. Your warm hug… and kisses. I miss the way you spoil us, because you only have us – – your 2 apos.
I miss your Bulacan-punto. I miss hearing your stories. I miss listening to your words. I miss checking your BP, while Racs helping you with your insulin. I miss our usual dine-in at Wendy’s for your favorite salad.
I remember you… being my shield from Mom’s anger. You were my savior from her nagging.
Here I am, the usual crammer. The usual me – nocturnal. Up late at night reviewing, reading, and preparing stuff for the next day.
Here I am, lying in my bed… in the same room where we used to sleep together.
But here I am now, I am slowly fulfilling your dreams for me. Finished college, bought a car, yuppie. Soon I’ll finish my post-graduate studies. Soon I’ll meet a good man and start my own family.
I miss you, Ma.
17 November 2014.