Alone? Perhaps.

Cold night. Staring at the bright moon.

Alone? Perhaps.

We may not know the existence of each other now, but sooon we’ll together stare at the very same moon I am staring at now.

Tonight, I’ll just sip my favorite WM while watching people pass by.

  
There’s Bolt waiting for me, but we’re both waiting to fill in the passenger’s seat by somebody who shares the same passion I have.

Soon we’ll go road trips together.
I’ll drive until my feet hurts, then you’ll fill in the spot.

Soon we’ll hit the beach & bum ’til our eyes droop, haha!
You’ll be my strength in braving the deep waters.

Soon we’ll travel together and witness the wonders of the world.
We’ll both whisper our prayers praising His majestic creations.

Soon we’ll reach our own aspirations in life, helping each other to be better without sacrificing the commitment.
I’ll be your right hand & you’ll be my strength.

Soon we’ll have coffee together.
Enjoying our favorite drinks while chatting even the smallest non-sense!

Tonight, I am praying. Asking for God’s guidance in my life to where he’ll lead me. Asking Him to prepare my heart & soul, so that when I’ll finally meet you.. . I am ready.

Cold night. Staring at the bright moon.

Alone? Perhaps. Alone but happy : )

No to relapse?

You’re in love with someone for yearsssss and can no longer contain the feelings.

A. Tell this person how much you love him
B. Forget the feelings, move on, grow up!
C. Wait for the right time to confess
D. Maintain the friendship and let the universe see if it can grow deeper

I have been contemplating for yearsssss already.

May 14, 2015: I broke down, cried, released all my frustrations, and hid the admiration. I decided to stop.

But lately, the supressed feelings haunted me. As much as I want to forget this irrational love, it grows and grows..

The reality?

Unrequited love. I know I know…. since day 1. So I never worked on my feelings. I never assumed. I never made a single move. Since I have no courage to tell you how I feel, can you just reject me so I can finally put an end to this admiration?

But I can’t help but like this person.

He is a man full of substance. Very smart and witty.

He is weird – – really. And I am so fond of all his weirdness.

He is independent and kind of introvert. But when he speaks – he shares a lot 🙂 And I just love listening to his stories and his small nasal voice.

He is stable and capable financially.

He is sooooo mysterious and he is driving me sooooo crazy.

Here we go again, inGradible. Relapse.

31 October 2015

It’s him! :)

I am on leave this week because I am attending to my family. My mom is not feeling well this past months. I only went to the office today for the medicine availment.

Who’s the first person I saw right after I went out of the parking? Yes, it’s him. ❤️

Happy new year!

07 January 2015

I am not yet ready.

Oftentimes, I rant about my desire to have a boyfriend. Hoping that one day, I’ll finally have HIM by my side… taking care of each other, complimenting one another.

It was only 2 nights ago when I realized that I am not yet ready.

I had a conversation with my long-time friend who is currently working overseas. Our friendship is like a switch – on-off; like a mental disorder – bipolar; like the sea tides – high-low; like a see-saw – up-down.

Our last update was way back December 2013. I don’t know what happened, but we had zero updates since then. I only found out thru my brother, that he already flew overseas. Duh! He didn’t even bother to say goodbye.

November 2014. As I was strolling along Greenhills (insert inside story here, haha), he came to my mind. I started the conversation. Then we get to update about our lives again – work, family, career, etc.

December 31, 2014. He suddenly reminded me of his promise that we’ll start dating if we still haven’t found our own partners by 2015. OHEEEEM. It was 6 years ago when he first told me that. Fast forward and it’s already 2015! And yes, I still don’t have a boyfriend. I got scared the moment he reminded me of that promise.

Little did people know that I had a boyfriend way way back which lasted for 5 years. I had so much pain from this failed relationship. And when I think about the feeling of being in a relationship once again, I trembled in fear.

Fear that I might experience the same pain I’ve been through. Fear that I may not give enough time to this person because I am too preoccupied from work, school, and familial duties. Fear that he’ll get to see my flaws. Fear that he’ll not meet the criteria I set for my future man / husband / family. Fear that we might argue at times. And so on, and so forth.

I came to realize that I shouldn’t be ranting about my desire to have a boyfriend, if I am not yet ready. It feels good not being committed into a relationship. I can freely do what I want to do, no mind-bugging quarrels, no crying moments, and no partner to think about. But it feels better when you have someone taking care of you…honestly, sweetly, faithfully, and securely loving you. Maybe I am not yet ready. Maybe I just miss the feeling of being taken care of by a special someone.

Cliché but I think it’s true, “It will come when you least expect it.” You can’t prepare for it, nor can’t be ready. It will just happen. Love isn’t something you can find by ranting about it. I read from a random post, “Believe, hope and pray for love. But do not put your life on hold just by waiting for love.”

Meet people. Have fun. Travel. Interact. Communicate. Grow. And when you finally meet the right one, you are definitely ready more than you can imagine. And yes, I need to remind myself of those words.

02 January 2015.

Adrenaline.

Okay…so I was wearing my favorite shirt with a simple print on it, stating a capital letter A.

IMG_4027.JPG

I was about to have lunch with the gang, including the ‘A’pple of my eye whose name starts the letter A… When he spontaneously asked: “Bakit letter A yung suot mo??”

Errr. Caught off guard. 5 seconds silence. Then I panicked.

But he persistently continued, “Alvin and the Chipmunks?”

Waaaah! Didn’t he REALLY know why? I was so tempted to answer the real deal but my ADRELNALINE [ insert spelling autocorrect here. lol ] forced me otherwise.

My funny answer then? I simply said and sung, “Alvin and the Chipmunks? No! Simply because… A – you’re adorable…. B – you’re so beautiful…. C – you’re so cute and full of charm!”

He laughed. Then WE laughed.

Almost everybody knows I like him. Is he that dense…not to figure things out? Or, he really knows for a fact but he’s just taking things light because he’s so nice and gentle? Or he’s just cool about it?

Nevertheless, I really like this A-person. He’s so witty, intelligent, responsible, neat, and gentle!

05 December 2014.

“Hanggang kailan ka ganyan?”

“Okay lang ba sa’yong forever ka ng one-way? Unrequited? Unloved? Taken for granted? Alone and lonely? You are not getting any younger na rin ah. At goal mo rin ang magka-family.”

> Halos nasampal na sakin lahat ng salita aah. Pero ano bang dapat kong gawin? Hirap maging babae. Forever naffall. Forever waiting. Haaaaaaaaay.

22 September 2014 :: 1.08 AM