Oftentimes, I rant about my desire to have a boyfriend. Hoping that one day, I’ll finally have HIM by my side… taking care of each other, complimenting one another.
It was only 2 nights ago when I realized that I am not yet ready.
I had a conversation with my long-time friend who is currently working overseas. Our friendship is like a switch – on-off; like a mental disorder – bipolar; like the sea tides – high-low; like a see-saw – up-down.
Our last update was way back December 2013. I don’t know what happened, but we had zero updates since then. I only found out thru my brother, that he already flew overseas. Duh! He didn’t even bother to say goodbye.
November 2014. As I was strolling along Greenhills (insert inside story here, haha), he came to my mind. I started the conversation. Then we get to update about our lives again – work, family, career, etc.
December 31, 2014. He suddenly reminded me of his promise that we’ll start dating if we still haven’t found our own partners by 2015. OHEEEEM. It was 6 years ago when he first told me that. Fast forward and it’s already 2015! And yes, I still don’t have a boyfriend. I got scared the moment he reminded me of that promise.
Little did people know that I had a boyfriend way way back which lasted for 5 years. I had so much pain from this failed relationship. And when I think about the feeling of being in a relationship once again, I trembled in fear.
Fear that I might experience the same pain I’ve been through. Fear that I may not give enough time to this person because I am too preoccupied from work, school, and familial duties. Fear that he’ll get to see my flaws. Fear that he’ll not meet the criteria I set for my future man / husband / family. Fear that we might argue at times. And so on, and so forth.
I came to realize that I shouldn’t be ranting about my desire to have a boyfriend, if I am not yet ready. It feels good not being committed into a relationship. I can freely do what I want to do, no mind-bugging quarrels, no crying moments, and no partner to think about. But it feels better when you have someone taking care of you…honestly, sweetly, faithfully, and securely loving you. Maybe I am not yet ready. Maybe I just miss the feeling of being taken care of by a special someone.
Cliché but I think it’s true, “It will come when you least expect it.” You can’t prepare for it, nor can’t be ready. It will just happen. Love isn’t something you can find by ranting about it. I read from a random post, “Believe, hope and pray for love. But do not put your life on hold just by waiting for love.”
Meet people. Have fun. Travel. Interact. Communicate. Grow. And when you finally meet the right one, you are definitely ready more than you can imagine. And yes, I need to remind myself of those words.
02 January 2015.